Dunk Attempt #7
July 23rd, 2009Due to technical difficulties, this latest installment in my Dunk Quest is coming to you a few days late. But nonetheless, here I am, in all my glory, or lack thereof… Hope you enjoy it!!
Dunk Attempt # 6
July 14th, 2009Dunk Attempt #5
July 5th, 2009Vertical Test Week 4
July 4th, 2009My Radio Interview
July 2nd, 2009Luck is clearly with me these days, as I not only am steadily making progress toward completing this Dunk Quest, but in addition, I somehow landed an interview on my absolute favorite radio program (and podcast) which happens to operate right out of my hometown here in Seattle. Here is the interview, though on account of the length, it had to be split into two segments.
Dunk Attempt #4
June 29th, 2009Vertical Measurement Test- Week 3
June 25th, 2009I probably should’ve thought to actually, quantifiably measure my vertical from week to week, starting from the beginning. But I didn’t think of it, so get off my back. Anyway, here we are, it’s only week 3, and I’ve just uploaded the first installment of a new segment at IfThisGuyCanDunk that is sure to captivate each and every one of you, and will, without a doubt, keep you coming back from week to week if for no other reason… to put to rest all of the incessant chat that has been circulating around the water cooler since last week’s installment of “Vertical Measurement Test”. It’s like Survivor up in here.
Maybe the Coolest Thing Ever…
June 23rd, 2009
Holy S#@%!!!! This is just the first of what will almost certainly be a barrage of write-ups about me and IfThisGuyCanDunk.com… Check it out!!http://www.thecomicalobservatory.blogspot.com/
Dunk Attempt #3
June 23rd, 2009To the naked, untrained eye, it may appear as though I have made little-to-no progress in this Dunk Quest. This week’s dunk attempt looks almost identical to the first, which is to say that after two weeks of grueling training and painful muscle recovery, it appears as though it has all been for naught. For the sake of my own sanity, I am trusting that this is all part of the gameplan… that my muscles are just fatgued, and while I am actually much stonger and my body is actually capable of much more than it was initially, it is just going to take some time for these developments to manifest themselves in actual physical productivity. I really have no choice but to come to this conlclusion, because the other option is to believe that this ridiculous workout is worthless, that my precious time and energy have been wasted, and furthermore, since I now am tied to this project and have every person I know including friends and family holding me accountable to the end goal, I have no option but to continue this training. I hope, at the very least, that my pain and suffering is of some entertainment value to you and your loved ones. Take care. I assure you further evidence of my anguish and misfortune is yet to come. Enjoy.
Genes, and their plot to destroy me.
June 18th, 2009
Some people have it so easy… I’ve been slowly putting things together in my head and the conclusion that I keep coming back to is that genetics just simply aren’t on my side in this Dunk Quest. I’m not making excuses for myself, and to be honest, it’s not as if there is absolutely no athletic DNA pulsing through these veins. My father was a hell of a springboard diver for years, and, from what he tells me, a certified legend on the college intramural flag football squad. My mother dabbled with field hockey for a couple years in high school and remains, to this day, a force to be reckoned with on the Scrabble board. Admittedly, Scrabble may not be widely considered a sport in all social circles, but, at the very least, it demonstrates a rather significant competitive spirit in the family.
But when it comes to undeniable, physiological domination, I was never even in contention. I remember watching a profile on Michael Phelps during the Olympics, and what I gathered from this piece was that Phelps was essentially a genetically modified super-human created by the US government with the mutant-like physical form of the quintessentially perfect swimmer, which only vaguely resembles that of a normal person. He has tiny, dwarf like tree stumps for legs, a 6 foot torso equipped with concealable gills, and flippers for feet. He was literally created to swim.
Or take high school basketball legend Scott Howard. I saw what I believe was a documentary about him when I was a kid, and from what I remember, he was just your average, everyday adolescent with little to offer his struggling basketball team… That is, until his genes had something to say about it. He went through puberty literally in one night, transforming from an adorable, smooth skinned cherub into a full-grown adult, complete with facial hair and a somewhat disturbing amount of body hair. And about a full foot taller than he was just one day prior! Anyway, he shows up at the gym for the big game and absolutely blows everyone away. A lucky man with great genes.
But nonetheless, I will not waste my time sulking and wishing that I had been dealt a different hand. This is not a deterrent. It’ll just make it that much more gratifying when I turn the world of science on its head and break all kinds of laws of physics and gravity. It’ll make my reverse dunk that much more filthy, my windmill jam that much more impressive, and my tomahawk slam that much more deliciously racist… Stupid genes.
